Return to the Jungle, or Pizza Man

waitinglineThe setting for this adventure has been altered slightly to protect the guilty.

I was on a quest to find a lost item. Its location put it beside a small strip shopping center. I parked and immediately went to where I guessed it was. Failing to find it I returned to the car to call for more specific details.

Everything sounded like it should be easy to find. I was returning to look again, when a youngish chap stepped out of the pizza joint in this shopping center and asked in a demanding tone, “Can I help you?” I confess, even a 70, I don’t take well to arrogant young toughs ordering me around, but I replied politely, “No thank you.” He then stepped in front of me and repeated in a harsh tone, “MAY I HELP YOU!.” I replied in a sterner tone, “NO! Thank you.”

At this point I’m not sure what he said, while blocking my path, but it must have been something to the effect of ‘What are you doing.’ At that time I was about 70 or so feet from my destination and simply walking on the sidewalk, so I replied something like, “I’m not sure what that has to do with you.” He said, in a tone you’d tell a dog to stop chewing on your best chair, “You’re in one of our parking spots.” As I later realized, every parking place in that little center was marked for a shop – there was no open parking. I was actually parked near or beyond the far left wall of the pizza place. Nonetheless I instantly said, “I didn’t realize that and I’ll move immediately. I couldn’t help but notice there were 3-4 empty parking places directly in front of the pizza joint. [It was mid afternoon, accounting for why he had nothing better to do than hassle me.] I turned and began walking back to my car to leave. He shouted after me, “I’m calling the cops on you.” I continued to my car as I retorted, “Screw you too.” [Expletive changed, for public consumption.] He yelled, so now you cussing me, aye — what’s that about.” I said, “Because you’re a snot,” and got into my car. He yelled, “It’s good you’ll me dead in ten years old man.” As I was pulling away, he made a production of reading my license plate while calling someone on his cell phone. As far as I know business-reserved shopping center parking space violations are aren’t yet criminal offences (soon probably), so I don’t know who he intended me to think he was calling.

I rarely wish I was 30 again, but had I been today I would have made a yeoman’s try at waxing the parking lot with this young wisenheimer.

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~ by aloony on November 14, 2006.

2 Responses to “Return to the Jungle, or Pizza Man”

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